DEAR MS S.O. MANNERS...

A concerned resident asks: "Let's say I am waiting to exit the development. I need to see both left and right traffic flows to make my move. Then, with no warning, some other vehicle pulls up beside me and blocks my view in one direction. Is it proper etiquette to remove my pistol from my boot and deliver an immediate flat tire as long as I am certain no one will be injured?"

Ms. S.O. Manners replies:

"We've all had that thought, if not the loaded boot. But consider that to deliver the flat you have just fired your pistol in the confines of your car, and are now functionally deaf. Plus, in case that vehicle is filled with landscaping professionals, they will have a flat tire and access to pickaxes. Since they cannot move their vehicle due to the flat, they will seek other activities, and planting the pick into your hood or windshield could be their choice. And you still can't tell if there's traffic blocking your exit."

"Ms. S.O. Manners always prefers the potato in the gas pipe as a polite reminder of selfish driving."

ENTRY BOXES

Rumors reach Sarcasm Oaks that Discovery is in talks with the Pentagon to test refinement to the units we use to access the property and trigger the guard-waves. Those white box radio frequency identification devices are crude early generation units. In computer terms, they are the Apple 2.

New tech will allow the guard to wave right or left handed, to match driver preference for a warmer welcome, will be able to scan for blood alcohol saturation, note weapons within the vehicle, and see through your clothes. Coupled with imbedded road sensors, they will detect your speed, grade of gasoline used, and carbon footprint of your vehicle.

SNAKE TRAGEDY

On or about the 4th of July a snake bravely worked its way up the embankment and onto the bridge at the east entrance to S.O. where it met an untimely death by car or truck.

After passing what my wife first said was "a glove" I stopped on our return to take a good look. Triangle head, but no rattle. Guts. The work of an uncaring motorist.

Here was a reptile unafraid to climb out of its natural habitat to explore the larger world. We mourn, not for what it was, but for what it might have become.