CLEAN-UP CONTEST

"Really, why hire outsiders to do EVERYTHING when it comes to cleaning up? Especially when, with a little progressive thought, we can enjoy significant savings and efficiencies!" So said Willie P. Yankton, noted consultant to residential communities.

So here's what we are told S.O. is considering:

Each month, a $20 to $100 bill is placed in an empty soda can and thrown into the weeds on the grounds.

Kids will then "look for the loot" and will be given out trash bags as part of the program, which they fill with non-winners.

REWARDS!

Reward Yourself With A Permanent Monument.

Rewards, the premium seller of belt buckles and other fine Texas jewelry, in association with Spanish Oaks, will be offering a short run of personalized manhole covers. The partners project the covers will take on the look of a tribute 'seal' with a raised likeness of the buyer, and a listing of business and social milestones. The cover will then be set into the street as close to his or her home as the nearest manhole, at a ceremony to be attended by staff and neighbors.

Proceeds will help fund the "Help Take The Ruptcy Off The Bank" campaign.

AQUACULTURE TO THE RESCUE!

The need is money. Current reported banking woes which cloud good old new Spanish Oaks have led to some creative thinking!

Why not turn the fish camp into a MONEY MAKER?

It's an Amenity which is designed to look good in a Brochure. If you're a kid, or someone who likes to relax by a body of water that doesn't contain screaming kids, or lovers looking for a nesting place, or a fisher, then maybe you'll be sorry to learn that the master plan for financial restoration includes turning the Fish Camp into a Seahorse Farm.

It will require salting the water. The short SH gestation period makes Austin a perfect place to breed Seahorses for at least 7 months of the year. The former fish killed by salt will be made into cat food.

GOATS!

Owners may be forced to participate in the GOATS! program being contemplated for our community-within-guarded gates. In it, about 1500 goats would be allowed to run loose within the development. About 100 will be stationed by each gate, so when anyone comes to check on the Ag Exemption, they'll have a hard time getting down the road, giving the guard time to call to move the herd to the owners' property under investigation.

WE ARE WILD ABOUT GOATS! T-shirts will be worn by the guards to indicate the scope and embrace of the program.

The savings on lawn maintenance should recoup the investment within one year.

NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY

Spanish Oaks, Bee Cave TX. --- Nothing happened today. Representatives of Discovery Land Company were contacted for a reaction. VP of Company Profile, Lawrence A.H Horvath, responded to our inquiry:

"While nothing happened today, let me add that every day at Spanish Oaks has a certain special feel and that's even true for what we call "nothing." Our standard of luxury nothing, is part of who we are, as a steward of nature and an exclusive community for families, values, and, yes, golf."

DLC PONDERS PARADE OF TYVEK??

Following on the heels of the LIVESTRONG FALL PARADE OF TWO HOMES, DLC is said to be pondering the feasibility of starting a new Austin builders' tradition, THE PARADE OF TYVEK.

"Why wait until there's paint and shrubs and all that stuff?" asked John H.J. Farthing, promoter to the building trade.

Tyvek is the wrap used to make homes under construction look like a shipping envelope.

FIRE!

DLC is said to have shown interest in setting up a private fire department. To offset expenses, a line of Official Spanish Oaks Fireman's Unisex wardrobe is said to have been commissioned. Now your little boy or girl can learn fire safety and feel a part of it!

Timetable for the switchover from Hudson's Bend will be announced at a later date.

DONATION

An anonymous gift has shown the generosity of a local couple, who wish to be unnamed. They felt that the association could benefit from their old lawn tractor, to help get those grass-cutting chores done!

SO HOT

It's been so dry and hot here that the LCRA and local fire departments have declared it illegal to play the song Pennies From Heaven for fear of starting a grass fire.

GALA LODGE-NIC JULY 4TH

Top Ten things you won’t see at Gala Lodge-nic on 4th of July

10- Lobster tail eating contest
9- Scorpion races
8- Wet Tee Shirt Contest
7- Steve Yetts Piñata
6- Salute to Timely Road Repair Crew
5- Dolphin Show
4- Fish Camp used as men’s room overflow
3- Fireworks
2- Discounts
1- Will Wynn as Greeter

Top Ten Things You Will See

10- Bikinis
9- Wives elbowing husbands for noticing Bikinis
8- Sunglasses
7- Parking Lot of cars which don’t qualify for Beater discounts
6- Parade of Flip Flops
5- Chairs all taken
4- Margarita-slushy headache victims
3- Builders
2- Realtors
1- People you’ve never seen before

PAY AS YOU GO PARTY

Issues arise, now that certain street repairs have been made.

A gala PAID party at the Lodge and pool will encourage conviviality. Certainly we can afford the admission to a delicious meal, and perhaps this is really a secret method to control the guesting issue we've seen in the past, whereby owners invite overflow guests, but it seems not-very-exclusive and Lubysesque, though the Jello cubes aren't on the menu.

Perhaps Discovery is still paying for the blowout announcing their partnership with Daniel Porter. THAT'S the scale of a premiere development.

BTW: We hear this fall's Livestrong home tour is down to two homes.

NAME CHANGE LOOMS

Spanish Oaks (Golf Club) could become SPANISH OAKS or PALM TREE Golf Club, based on an informal survey of new trees planted on the various estates. A colorful flock of parrots to be let free to roam the properties and piped in Jimmy Buffet music will complete the transition, according to cynics who recall the 'natrual' promise of Daniel Porter.

ADOPT A SUNKEN ROAD

A Porsche trap has been set on the back of SO BLVD, as the ground beside a manhole has progressively sunk in the middle of the street. There is said to be a same-sized bulge in Xquan-Xio, China. Close inspection of the asphalt surrounding many manholes shows cracking. DLC has put forth an initiative whereby residents and owners may ADOPT portions of the road as it sinks around the culverts, etc.

Each sponsor will receive a customized bright orange traffic cone to be placed at or near their adopted infrastructure item. After repairs are made, billed, and paid, a permanent plaque will be placed roadside.

"What a Great Idea, " said spokesperson Bucyrus Vanderlay. "We are immediately implementing the initiative which teaches kids how to be socially responsible while it makes SO a better place for all. This adoption can be by an individual, a family, or even a company. We also have broken curbing available for adoption and are thinking about expanding this novel approach to Adopt A Guard!"

"Cutting project maintenance out of the budget was a hard choice to make, but when you are a multi-hundred million dollar company across the Northern Hemisphere, every little bit helps."

SEA MONKEY PLANS ON HOLD

Plans to convert the fishing hole into a Sea Monkey breeding ground with adjacent mail-order station have been abandoned. "That's not to say we aren't looking for ways to decrease the assessments," said E.I. Somethingson, in a telephone interview. "Turns out we just don't have enough salt in that durn lake to grow them things which we all know are so popular, especially with kids. But we still have a lot of rocks to turn over as we look for some new money streams. Some of the things we're considering are Hill Country Snake Jerky; The Hill Country Golf Cart Demolition Derby; The Celebrity Cardboard Cutout Forest; and The Stare At The Houses You Can't Afford Dream Bus Tour."

GRAVITY SINK HOLES POSSIBLE

Investigators from the Office of The Paranormal and Unexplained are due to S.O. this week as mysterious gravity sink holes have been theorized under fallen empty trashcans lining stretches of streets here.

"Yes, we are headed up to Austin," said Leroy DeSainte, noted researcher. "Some of these abnormalities can be attributed to natural causes, but we do have to look more closely into this. They could be caused by a percolation effect of a shifting of the earth's magma, affecting gravity locally. We've also had reports that some golf balls seeming to stick inside the holes on numbers 3,12, and 15. If the magma gets a little elliptical, well, that can make things heavier in certain circumstances."

"Don't worry unless you see birds playing upside down. That's a sign of something much worse."

BLUE IS AN EARTH TONE

Whisperings suggest our Design Review Committee is moving to embrace ALL of the earth, not just land masses in future color choice permissions.

Comments in the air...

"Hey, go to the moon and look back - whataya see? BLUE. Lots of it. BLUE is an earth tone."

"What about that LA sky color? And China skies?"

"Any color is earth tone if it can be found on earth - what we need are CRAYOLA colors. THEN we'd have something!"

"Pantone color is so... Falconhead. TOYO colors - now THEY are something worthy of S.O.!"

CHRISTMAS DECORATION COMPETITION

Let the gamesmanship begin! In an effort to help those who wish to dazzle their neighbors, we offer the following handicapper for those who wish to display and spread their seasonal joy via decoration.

This guide is presented with point values.

1- wrap a tree trunk +1
in white lights 0
in white flashing lights -5
in white twinkling lights +5
in colored lights +5
in all one color light -10
branch lighting +5

outline house
+ 2 per room

bulb size
larger bulbs equal more points
mini +1
large +4
laser +25

reminder: 7.5 watts x 1000 lights = 7.5 kilowatts, may be eligible for Al Gore Visit

2- colored floodlights -10

3- projected generic scenes which could be North Dakota on side of house -128

4- inflatables
Santa +2
Santa and reindeer +4
Elf -1
Helicopter -2
Skiers -5
Snow Globe with snow inside +5
Snowman -5
Snowman with cowboy hat +5
Snowman with Corboy hat, six shooter and spurs +20
Nativity scene -10
Bevo with garland +50

5- flat cutouts
nativity on plywood -6
wrapped presents -4
majii -8
Santa -5
reindeer -3
elf -7
camel -10
lance armstrong +1
any words -15 per letter

6- fake snow
on window +1
on roof -10
on lawn -30

7- advertising -30

8- candles
in window +1
in car +5

9- misc
star on chimney +5
space shuttle on chimney -5
santa riding atop international space station on chimney +20
audible music -40
audible Celine Dion Christmas carols -100
carillion -50
broadcast music on private fm station +40
gingerbread scent +30
reindeer scent -20
curbside eggnog dispenser +20
curbside spiked eggnog dispenser +135
live nativity scene +75
real santa, real sleigh +200
real santa in convertible touring neighborhood with elf 'babes' in sexy costumes +400

NEW PEST SIGHTED!

Giant spiders seen to roam S.O. freely. Bounty set?

An off-property experiment gone terribly wrong? Lair uncovered at the HEB construction site? Bee Cave caves home to mutants? Subterranean intermingling between Michaels and Petsmart?

Honchos at DLC have reportedly discussed putting a bounty on this new pest, caught here resting on a 'don't park your truck here' fence.

Experts brought in suggest the spider may have been lured into the development, mistaking basketball nets for companion webs.

THE INKY DINKY SPIDER ENDANGERED

Halloween decoration contest to be investigated by EPA?

As The S.O. community participates in its first annual Halloween Decoration Contest, we have been told that the EPA will be watching developments carefully, as the effects of artificial (spray on) cobwebs have been shown to confuse and entrap a dwindling population of hill country spiders, already stressed by encroaching 'civilization' into their native habitat.

Don't hand out candy to men in hazmat suits.

On a related note, there's apparently no truth to the rumor that Discovery Land Co. has been purchased by the Hallmark Card Company.

POOL CONVERSION

What with the pool closing for the cooler days, management is allegedly exploring the opportunity presented by an Asian company to drain most of the pool and turn it into a prototype hydroponic farm.

The lower pool can be used to raise shrimp.

Other proposals include a skate-park and a self-cleaning dog park.