ENTRY BOXES

Rumors reach Sarcasm Oaks that Discovery is in talks with the Pentagon to test refinement to the units we use to access the property and trigger the guard-waves. Those white box radio frequency identification devices are crude early generation units. In computer terms, they are the Apple 2.

New tech will allow the guard to wave right or left handed, to match driver preference for a warmer welcome, will be able to scan for blood alcohol saturation, note weapons within the vehicle, and see through your clothes. Coupled with imbedded road sensors, they will detect your speed, grade of gasoline used, and carbon footprint of your vehicle.

SNAKE TRAGEDY

On or about the 4th of July a snake bravely worked its way up the embankment and onto the bridge at the east entrance to S.O. where it met an untimely death by car or truck.

After passing what my wife first said was "a glove" I stopped on our return to take a good look. Triangle head, but no rattle. Guts. The work of an uncaring motorist.

Here was a reptile unafraid to climb out of its natural habitat to explore the larger world. We mourn, not for what it was, but for what it might have become.

NEW POOL TO BE USED FOR AG TRAINING

Ensuring another extraordinary dimension to S.O., developers are said to have penned a contract with a university extension division to host bovine rehabilitation on Mondays, when the pool is closed to the development owners.

VERY VERY LIGHT RAIL PROPOSED

VVLR line proposed for SO.

Paralleling the back road, partially hidden by landscaping, a VVLR (Very Very Light Rail) project has been proposed for SO. It won't really go anywhere significant or serve a useful purpose, like many of the light rail projects in large cities across America, but it will qualify for federal subsidies.

STEPFORD OAKS SUBDIVISION POSSIBLE

Due to rapid advances in lifelike animatronics, we've learned that Discovery is contemplating opening a section of Spanish Oaks to a new subdivision to be called Stepford Oaks, after the similarly named popular movie series of some time ago.

See female prototype here

A male prototype is in development but scientists are trying to overcome its tendency to wander off on its own without asking for directions.

DISCOVERY TO FLY WATER

A corporate leak at Discovery Land Company, developers of signature golf course communities scattered from North Carolina to Montana to Hawaii, suggests that DLC may be flying specially equipped tankers with select waters from existing projects to fill Spanish Oaks' new community pool in a symbolic co-mingling for the July 4th gala hard opening of the lodge and pool recreational facility.

Water is the basis for life - it is said that by using waters collected from the Discovery Family of Projects, the mixture will bring the natural element into final focus.

CAN CAMMO CANS AVOID FINES?

It has been theorized that the trash can issues, i.e.: leaving the cans out after dusk of trash day and storage placement visibility could conceivably be cured by introduction of the stealth Cammo Can. The Cammo Can is a trash receptacle painted to resemble the easement on which one usually sits. Of course, this solution depends on the eagle eyes of the trash truck drivers, as a Cammo Can could be bypassed.

Apparently the idea was hatched when G. E. "Bud" Markham, on a recent home tour, noticed the gouges in the east exit gate, where a truck apparently hit the closed gate, mistaking it for open. "I just got me to thinkin' and there she was," said Bud.

It is not known when or where the stealth cans will be introduced on a pilot program.